Dying Rose

                                                                        Dying Rose

It has been 20 years since I last seen you. It has been 20 years since I talked to you. I have been going through many things during those years and now here I stand here, still grieving you, missing you.

I brought you some flowers, but now you are not able to see them. When you were with me, I never brought you any to enjoy to show you that I loved you; to show you that I cared for you or even respected you. But, now I stand here with flowers, but you are not able to smell them. I stand here thinking of so many ways that this could have been avoided and the answer always lye’s within my choice of not doing what I did.

I have had 20 years of my life, that I took away from myself, to think about what I did and I only came to one conclusion, and that is “you did absolutely nothing to deserve what I did to you.” Now you are gone and I can never see your face again. I can never hear your voice again. I have been haunted with the fact that I said “I loved you,” and then trying to live with the thought, the reality that “I killed you” and your last words to me were, “baby, please stop hitting me.”

I, for years in my prison cell could only think of the last look you had on your face as I was abusing you...you were looking into my eyes telling me to stop abusing you, to stop hitting and kicking you, asking me, why. You never stopped telling me that you loved me, even during the abuse. You told me to get some help, and I refused. I listened to my so-called friends instead of you and thought that I was being “a man.” I now only know that I was less than a man, less than a human being. I was “an animal” because not even “boys” do what I did to you, baby. I deserve to be where you are now....

Oh baby, please come back to me. If I could wish anything in this world to have, it would be to have you back in my life again. I have changed my life now..... I would never hit you or kick you again. I would get the help that I need and I would be the man that you said you deserve to have love you truly. I would bring you the flowers, I would be kind, gentle and loving as you deserve and not callus and cruel, egotistical and selfish.

I have a weeping heart and mind, because I not yet faced the reality that, you can no longer hear me. Here I stand over your grave that I placed you in because I was a coward and not a human being, asking for your forgiveness knowing that I just may not deserve it. I am left with the memory that I took you from all who love you including “our child” who for years have lived in curiosity and tears of sorrow asking of it mother and its father. I am left to exist free in this empty world of chaos and disorder and to see it as a mirror unto myself. I can now only see my face.

'I am now in a true prison that will never cease to end.” I am too late to love you truly. It is too late for I to truly live. I now know that when I abused you, I was but abusing myself and all the rest of the women in this world. When I took your life, I took my own life and the lives of women all over the world.

David Anthony Brayboy

In the world, a woman is suffering and dying in an abusive situation every 5 minutes. This was inspired in me to warn all of us the reality of this. Do not wait until this is knocking upon your door to act on this. We are losing a lot of good women to abuse. Lets act together and bring more awarness to this problem.