Sonny

From my coming book "Sonny."

I would often have flashes of my being where I sit this moment and would not feel disturbed. This state of existence had a long time ago whispered to me to be my last state of rest. I thought that life alone and its accusation of what is free, was in itself bondage. All that I saw, the dope pushers, the church and their crooked pastors, the politicians, the lawyers ect, were all the same and yet some of them were used to send me to this place, a place for the criminals, while I saw all of my life that they were the real criminals that are created in their so-called civilized universities. They create a system that if you tell them the manufactured truth that they demand, then you will not get what you need in life. Many have to lie just in order to survive because the truth in a world as this does not set you free because the system is designed against the truth speakers. If you tell the truth, you starve and if you lie, you eat. Strange of how a system that claims to deliver on your telling the truth of your condition, can only deliver when it is lied too.

Sonny smiles and sits more relaxed in his chair sighing. He laughs softly....

I find this visit of yours one of a more intellectual one for myself, Dr. Goodman. I fail to see the necessity to imbue such profane words in order for me to properly express myself if I indeed am content of my status and behold, in the same, giving purpose of your own in your presence. I often think that I have been wounded in my past in such a manner that this man whom speaks before you sometime shows his head out of the cloud of death to let me and others know and understand that he still exist. I am confused of him in not knowing if I like him as a human being or not, considering my seeing him as a weak person. He justifies my content after him in his mistakes and weakness pointed me into this direction. He had truly no other purpose in the so-called civilized society that is said to be outside of these doors after the death of his family.

I am seeing this moment that it is he whom feels the need to explain the other side of myself that he agrees with. Yes, that part of myself that is universally shared among all of humanity even though most fear to reveal that side because it frightens even them because they are in fear of walking into a valley within themselves that are filled with mirrors that they must look into if they ever want to get through it. Sir, once one walk into the valley, there is no turning back because the valley holds answers of many things of the self that our nature needs to understand. And in that fact, that is the energy that forces us in a convincing manner to move ahead, forwards in an almost lustful, fearful and even greedy manner.

We even tend to look past mirrors that we have not yet looked into to explain in principal of what those ahead will come to mean and so we make the mistake of moving past those mirrors with this anxiety seeded with rebellion and going to the end and not liking what we see. We see an unpleasant image that we painted in our rebellious imagination of not looking into the others for the sake of self awareness, and thus we without knowing it, Shatter the last mirror even before we get to it, and a false image is implicated in the place of the mirror of what we would like to see in the place of what truly is. We fail or do we? This would be something for you to ponder upon after you leave this place doctor. But, as you, as I have waited for an answer, you will see that after you receive it, there will be something in your life that may reveal to you that, this thought to be new revelation imbued suddenly has forever been there or it came at too late a time.

David Anthony Brayboy